Have you ever run across a book and wondered if it would be worth picking up, but when you try to read reviews you’re met with self-indulgent, spoiler-filled tomes, prioritizing flowery plot summaries over cogent merits and atrocities? We’re looking at you GoodReads. And NYTimes. And everything in between.

Here you will find only the briefest summary of each book. Our summaries will serve the purpose of delineating the titular book from other works and providing a reference point. We will outline how books made us feel, what we thought the authors did well and what fell flat. We’ll note if a book is reminiscent of another title in plot, theme, or prose. We will not judge based on genre: a well-crafted romance novel will always be better than a lame-ass piece of “notable fiction” shoved down the throats of countless 9th graders that some old, intolerant, long-dead, white man wrote.

We strive for brevity and clarity, simplicity and eloquence. We will build extensive tags. We attempt class, but it is a truth universally acknowledged that a well-placed piece of profanity does the work of 10,000 lesser words.

Like all reviews, our thoughts are subjective. But we have excellent taste. Just ask us.